25 June 2021

 

     I have been in prison for over twenty-two years now.  As an artist the access to art supplies had continued to dry up, and with vendor access changes on the way, it is about to get far worse.

     I have found many guys not create stuff claiming it is because of this lack of access.  Personally, I do not think they were that serious to begin with.  I take these limits, while admittedly frustrating, and try to find ways around them.

    In Hockney's book he writes, "Limitations in art have never been a hindrance.  I think they are a stimulant.  How do I get around them?"

     I have never been a fan of his work, but I love his curiosity, and his sense of place in the art history continuum.  Although I do like this work of his Tennis reproduced in his book.

     This very well be the first Hockney piece I even found remotely appealing.

     He does go in on using quality paints will allow pieces to stand the test of time.  Something I did, and harked on Kelly Bodoh about, until the Department of Corrections cut off that access.  Now, what little access we have, is to student grade materials.  Absolutely disgusting.

     I have Public Image Limited's Disappointed, and The Fixx's Stand or Fall stuck in my head as earworms.  I am surprised how much I still enjoy that early new wave music about forty years after the fact.

     I saw Dr. Pophali today.  We are starting me on a non-FDA approved drug, pirtobrutinib, tomorrow.  We had to go through waivers to get me on this drug. 

     It is a third generation drug -- I was on a second generation of this drug with a two month response --- that has not been tested for efficacy.  It was just to see if it is dangerous.  The sample size was thirty-eight patients. 

    Small sample sizes mean results can be very, and I mean very, misleading.

    If I get similar response to what I had with zanubrutinib, I could enter December feeling good.  If I do not get a response I suspect I will likely be pretty sick before Labor Day.

     I saw my PET scan from thirty days out of the CAR T-cell therapy.  I have a tumor in my sinus cavity, that left me absolutely debilitated in January,  just really grossly big.  I know what is coming again, and it is not pretty.

     The neck is loaded with tumors.  I saw the one which left my right arm all but useless.  I have a matching tumor on the other side, albeit much smaller, ready to do the same to my left arm.

     I have tumors in my abdomen and pelvis, but much less activity.

     Dr. Pophali, who was smiling and laughing again, noted the lower body tumors shrunk, while the upper grew.  If I had my choice I would flip it, but with cancer there are no choices.  Besides to treat or not treat.

     I was pleasantly surprised because I never expected to get the waiver to get this drug.  And in all honesty, I expected to be dead in April or May.  I am doing great as a dead man. 

     The reason why I did not see Dr. Pophali in the original seven to ten day window is this treatment was not granted approval until Monday the twenty-first.  My apologies.

     One of the officers mentioned how people were upset that they were getting my meal trays and helping me clean my cell, while I still go to running.  That is what caused all the stress with me being told I could not get help with stuff on the unit.  Like the officer said, it has been your arm that is the problem, not the legs.

     If guys do not want to do the jobs, they should not take them.  Then to talk behind my back is spineless.  With that said the shoulder is improving.  I just lifted my dictionary, something I could not to before.  Another hill climbed.  Although that really tired the arm.  Crazy stuff.