I spent most of
the day organizing some of my stuff. I
have my cubist self-portrait ready to ship out.
I was looking at
it today and I believe it could be slipped into the 1918 Armory Show and no one
would realize that is painted in 2021.
I really like the
piece.
My self-portrait
in-the-style-of van Gogh has been an entirely different story.
My dad seems to have solved the not sending and receiving issue with the Corrlinks. Every time I leave the prison to go to the hospital they cut off my access, but fail to return my access when I return.
Very frustrating.
I spent almost five entire days in the
short term care unit. Two of which the
nurses took full care of me because I was out of it. Very, very sick.
My back really
hurts, but I feel much better.
If we can get the
back right, I will be functioning on a high level. But running again is doubtful.
I will not rule
it out. I do not quit easily.
Dr. Pophali, my
hematologist at UW, gave me a beautiful smile and told me I exceeded her
expectations. I just do not understand
quit. I do not know why I am wired this
way. It is the only thing I know.
It is if I am at
a party. I am still enjoying it, why
would I want to go home?
I started
reading, Rogues' Gallery: The Rise (And Occasional Fall) of Art Dealers, the Hidden
Players in the History of Art, and it is going to be a wonderful read.
I keep on living
and getting to read good book after good book.
Not a bad way to go out. Emily is
working on Dante's Inferno. Let's see if
she can get herself through it. That
would be nice. She struggles with ADHD.
I ran my last
mile today. Sadly, the legs have nothing
left, and could barely bring me that far.
I then put in a slip to HSU telling them on all further long distance
trips I will require a wheelchair.
I received the
most wonderful letter firm Debra and Paul of the Portrait Society. Paul wrote, "your work has an elegance
and a sense of grace that are all compounded by the humility of your
materials. You have masterly transformed
the most banal of materials into such rarified artworks."
How yummy is
that?
It is too bad I
am dying.
15 September 2021
This cancer keeps
stealing things from me, but I believe I am a pretty good gatekeeper. I will not allow it to steal anything before
its time.
I was in the ER
today when I was unable to urinate. They
gave me a catheter and I work again.
The level of pain
being unable to go was terrible.
13 September 2021
I had my last
round of targeted radiation today. No
more trips to Madison. Those are six to
twelve hour days in shackles. Horrible.
I received the
most beautiful letter from my friend Joseph the other day. He earned his beauticians license while in
prison. He does not plan on being a
practicing beautician.
He is taking over
a "sugar shack" that his Auntie Mary has running in Abbeville,
LA. He will be offering free hair cuts
to the area's youth to help their families make ends meet. He said he is doing so because of all the philanthropic
work he has seen me do over the decades we have known each other.
It doesn't get
more touching than that.
Considering all
the horrible things I have done to put myself behind bars, to this be my legacy
says a lot into what I have done as a person to make a positive impact on this
world. Thank you, Joe, for seeing this
and passing this on.
We need more Joe
Walkers in this world.
I can not walk up
stairs any longer.
I lost my calendar. The disease has spread through l brain terribly and day to day functions are very hard do. I am losing my eyesight. I could not find my toothpaste or toothbrush this morning. Normally my cellie would do that for me, but I do not have a cellie at this time. I need to talk to these people because I need a higher level of care than I am getting. If I go to the long care facility, I would no longer be able to go to recreation, and I still am able and want to run.
Day two of ten of
radiation. Nausea, chest pain, and a
splitting headache for awhile.
Correlation or causation is the question. The cancer is growing too.
I ran 1.47 miles
today. It is a real challenge, and that
is only day two of radiation. I will
have two more prior to the Labor Day festivities. I will finish.
To read I must place
my face in the book. The eyes are
horrible. But, because the radiation
kills cells, it might get worse before it gets better. But then I could lose it altogether.
I went to UW
Health for round one of ten of radiation.
I was in shackles and handcuffs before 6am.
Dr. Bradley
shared the results of my MRI from the previous Friday. Nothing good.
There is
extensive disease progression in the brain since my last scans in May. Where then we only had "hot spots,"
as Dr. Pophali described them, now there are extensive tumors. The areas without tumors have pervasive
cancer cells. A large tumorous mass in
my sinus cavity is pressing on the back of my optical area, and a tube which
runs to the ear. Plus the stuff in the
neck is still an issue with the use of the arm.
This is the reason for the failing eye sight, hearing, cognitive
function, and arm use. I have
deteriorated so much in the last three weeks.
I thought I had
more time, but I think time is running out.
The hope is the
radiation helps with some of these issues, so I can have a better quality end
of life. The one area we know it will
only make worse is the cognitive problems.
I have been
asking the HSU staff to provide me with
help in these areas and thus far I get nothing.
I struggle to see, I struggle to hear, and I cannot remember things. They have people who help people to these
things, because I had them at RGCI, but really did not need it. Here I need it, and I am left to mumble and
fumble about.
Then the prison
doctor, Dr. Murphy, gives me a hearing test.
He puts his fingers a centimeter from my ear rubs his fingers together
and asks me if I can hear it. Because I
can, he declares I have no hearing issues.
We do not
communicate by rubbing our fingers a centimeter from each other’s ear in a
silent Doctor's office. Yet they are
paying UW thousands to try and restore this hearing they refuse to help me with
so I can function in a prison setting.
I am deep into my
van Goghesque self-portrait and have learned not what to do. I hope to finish it and start another one
tomorrow.
29 August 2021
I put the
finishing touches on my van Goghesque self-portrait. My cellmate, Chris Larson , likes it. It is using a violet and yellow complimentary
color scheme, which is what he really likes.
It is a disaster. I learned how to not work in the style of van
Gogh. I believe I need to make puddles
of paint with my yellows and violets, including their grays from mixing them. Then paint in a more traditional mode, just
leaving heavy impasto with very visible brush strokes.
I added glazing
on my cubist self-portrait and signed it, much larger than my typical signature
(the eye sight is a problem).
I ran 5.4 miles
today.
I started Peter
McGough's I've Seen the Future and I'm Not Going: The Art Scene and Downtown
New York in the 1980s.
I have been going
back and forth with Carla to see if I can get this power of attorney switched
over so I can access my money. This
really is the last thing I can control before I die that I need to do.
My friend Al says
she is hesitant because prisoners are always trying to get money from people on
the streets and this seems fishy because I am actually trying to give it away.
I ran just under
a mile and a half. OSCI is running
contests for Labor Day. They have a mile
run, which I signed up for. I likely
will be coming off of two weeks of radiation.
I'll be damned if that will stop me.
But this could be rough. Radiation
is really harsh. Thus far the only thing
I have found worse is the cancer.
I worked on my
van Goghesque self-portrait. The failing
eye sight is really making things a challenge.
The cubist
self-portrait is dry and can be worked into again. I want to glaze dark into areas and the it
should need a signature and be done.
I received a
letter from my artist in crime friend Kelly Bodoh. He would like another work of mine. He says what I am doing now is more
interesting.
I agree. I am no longer doing work that St. Vincent de
Paul can sell for charitable causes. I
am being an artist for arts sake.
I need to see if
he wants a drawing or painting. If it is
a painting I can ask the Portrait Society to send it to Heidi post show, but cannot
promised they will do so. I also want to
ask Carla if she wants anything. The
rest I want sent to the Prisoner Express archives on the Cornell campus.
When I send it to
my folks they just get rid of it, so I stopped doing that.
I did this
beautiful Aaron Rodgers painting for St. Vincent de Paul which I sent to my
parents to photograph, and forward to
St. Vincent de Paul.
It was
photographed, but never made it to St. Vincent de Paul. When I asked where it was I was met with
silence. I stopped asking.
The chest pain is
getting irritable. I may have to start
taking that damned oxycodone. I am
pounding the acetaminophen and it just might be falling short of needed pain
relief.
I received my
canvas order today. That means once I
finish what I am going I can slip right into my self-portrait in-the-style of
Alice Neel. I want to make it a 24"
X 36" diptych.
With this order
coming in I should be able to get one last order in to J.L. Marcus before we
lose them as a vendor. I need matte
medium, because I do not know if that will carry over. Then I can buy paint for my mosaic and shadow
box anywhere.
Dominic has been transferred to another facility. Here is the mailing address (with his inmate number):
P.O. Box 3310
Oshkosh, WI 54903-3310
Solitary confinement, Dominic draws the cell: https://solitarywatch.org/marak1/
